


Touch & Go

by anemptymargin



Category: Cracked: After Hours
Genre: Awkwardness, Dan is such a dork, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Stream of Consciousness, This fandom needs more porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PWP in which Dan is probably not The 40 Year Old Virgin no matter how much evidence seems to point that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touch & Go

**Author's Note:**

> First time in the fandom, and I'm a bit rusty writing. My apologies. Also sort of experimenting with style and POV despite this not being my first time playing with first person stream of conscious present tense.
> 
> Warnings: Awkwardness. Sex jokes. The usual.

It was supposed to be awkward, right? Sure, movie sex was always flawless and amazing – unless it was a comedy (but not a rom-com) in which case there was approximately a 60% chance it'd go hilariously awry, but if anything he'd proven his life was definitely not a comedy. On a good day, he was a mildly neurotic biopic released direct to video and not some tragically unwatchable Steve Carell vehicle.

Soren's fingers tickle on his neck as they share a somewhat chaste, but definitely electrifying, kiss. Breaking the warm taste of vinaigrette dressing on Soren's tongue, Dan catches himself laughing.

And holy shit, maybe he was the Steve Carell of his life. Action figures, video games, unhealthy attachment to entertainment media... 

"Stop it..." Soren smiles against his lips and Dan can't help but feel a little more at ease. "You're being all awkward again."

Dan closes his eyes when Soren takes off his glasses, opening them with bleary anticipation as they're folded and set on the hotel room nightstand. It's not like it's his first time, there have been a few women... and seven false starts with what Soren liked to call 'experiment x'. "I am kind of awkward; I mean it's kind of my thing."

He takes a deep breath when Soren pulls his t-shirt up over his perfect gelled hair, trying fruitlessly to manage open the three fucking buttons on his vest. Despite the somewhat startling revelation of his true station in the movie of his own life, it was at least nice to know that his Catherine Keener was patient. Not that he particularly pictured them going through the comically predictable roller coaster romance that leads to a magical wedding attended by friends and loved ones. "You're thinking about The 40 Year Old Virgin, aren't you?"

"What?" Dan squeaks; "No. We're doing this thing here now." How the hell did he always do that? And how did he manage to look so perfect unbuttoning his pants like a model?

"Are we?" Soren quirks an eyebrow, stepping closer to help with the fidgety buttons. "Because I'm kind of getting used to this ending in you backing out and running to the bathroom to throw up and/or cry."

"I don't cry!" Dan protests, swallowing the lump in his throat when Soren pushes away the heavy vest to start on shirt buttons. "Usually."

"I don't really mind," Soren shrugs, the tip of his tongue poking out between his lips as he yanks out Dan's shirttails. "You're kind of cute when you're all flustered."

"I... cute?" Dan laughs again, the nervous titter trailing off on a disconnected thought. 

"There's the cute robot I fell for." Soren grins and kisses him again, taking Dan's breath away with the intense heat of it just as much as the warm hands dropping away from his shirt and sliding down the back of his pants.

A squeak that he'll later deny escapes Dan's throat and he manages to reach out with both hands and find the familiar muscles of Soren's back. This part is good, it's easy – they made it this far every time since the second trial and it works for him. His pulse throbs and palms take in the perfect perfectness of Soren's back all the way down to his stupidly great looking boxer briefs. "I am... very attracted to you."

"I know," Soren answers with an almost weary tone. Dan's idea of sexy talk took a little getting used to, but he was learning the paces.

"Is that a Star Wars moment?"

"If that works for you? Sure. Yeah. We'll go with that." Soren's fingers slide around to Dan's fly and pull it open with quick tug, and then he strips them away with Dan's briefs.

It kind of does, in so much as anything Soren really has to say when they're both pretty much naked works on the needed level of personal interaction.

"Bed?" Soren asks in a voice he's heard a lot of recently – frustrated, but accepting. Dan nods and Soren doesn't wait to pull him down on the large mattress, the polyester blend whispering with the introduction of fresh skin on top of it. "There you go."

"You don't have to baby talk me through this; I'm a perfectly functional adult." Dan protests weakly, forcing back another giggle when Soren's hands caress his bare thighs.

Soren answers with another kiss, and for a moment Dan can almost feel himself relaxing. Pressed chest to chest, he can't feel anything but skin and the brush of Soren's shorts against him. It's nice, and exciting in the kind of way that makes his guts knot right up until strong fingers wrap around his partially hard cock and warning lights go off in his head.

"Wait!" Dan gasps out of the kiss, unfazed when Soren sighs and rests his head on his shoulder. "What if this is a bad idea? What if this changes things? What if..."

"Okay, one: it isn't. Two: It will, but that's okay. Stop talking yourself out of this, if you don't want to then just say you don't and we'll go back to finding something more interesting to do on Sundays."

"I do! I mean, isn't this weird for you at all?"

Soren looks up, just the edge of a half-cocked smile peeking into Dan's blurry view. "Yeah... usually after seven weeks I've had sex seven times."

"Well... but..." Dan swallows hard again, considering the bottle of water on the table across the room.

"Here," Soren says without hesitation and grabs Dan's hand, guiding it the front of his boxer briefs before folding Dan's fingers over the growing bulge underneath. "Feel this? You did this."

"I did?"

Soren nods into his shoulder, rocking his hips gently. "I'm here for this if you are."

He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to focus on something other than the buzz of worry in his head. "I'm... I'm here. I'm good. But, uh... no butt stuff?"

"Fine," Soren kisses his shoulder, loosening his tight grip on Dan's hand to rest his palm on Dan's belly – tracing a deliberately slow line downward.

"What if I decide I want butt stuff?"

"I'm like the sex Batman, Dan..."

"Don't ever make that comparison again."

"I'm prepared," Soren stops to trail his fingertips along the bottom of Dan's belly.

He takes another deep breath, letting it out with a shaky moan before he even realizes that he's delicately tracing the outline of Soren's cock through thick cotton, taking in the simple function of it rising toward his touch. It was easy. Logical. "Okay," he breathes, taking the initiative to kiss Soren again. "This is logical. This is good."

"Whatever you say, Spock." Soren chuckles against his mouth and for some reason it works. They actually could pull off the Kirk/Spock dynamic...

Then Soren's hand wraps around his cock again and he forces back the panic. This is where it all goes wrong, where his brain tells him that something horrible is about to happen and they're only going to end up disappointed and deeply regretting the experiment. "Oh..." he moans, warmth washing over him as slow strokes tease him.

"Yeah?" Soren breathes, nuzzling down until his mouth fits against Dan's shoulder and his tongue traces over the smooth skin.

"Uh-huh." Dan's fingers open to a bold palm and he finds himself tugging at the waistband between them, drawing down Soren's shorts until they're somewhere around his thighs and they're belly to belly. Soren's hips respond with a slow roll that matches the languid pace of his strokes, digging his hardness into Dan's thigh. "My hands?"

"Wherever, man. Figure it out." Soren's words sound more exasperated than his voice, which clips off with a hollow groan.

Figuring out what his hands should be doing has never been Dan's strong suit, and usually they end up playing with his phone or tapping idly on a flat surface – neither of which is currently an option. Instead, he wraps his arms around Soren, imagining that he can somehow pull them even closer together. It's almost instinct to mirror the motions of his partner's hips, pushing into each stroke. It's almost like sex... the sex he's familiar with at least.

"Yeah, right there..." Soren shudders and Dan flushes hot, not at all used to the sounds he's making or the amazing knowledge that he's the reason for those sounds.

Experimentally, Dan's fingers stroke down Soren's back. Past his waist, and then into the new and scary territory of his muscular, entirely too perfect ass. Logically, he knows that Soren couldn't be completely perfect – nobody was, they had wrinkles and scars and weird growths that made them think they might possibly have cancer, but underneath his fingertips Soren is flawless.

Unexpectedly, Soren moans; "Yeah... fuck, Daniel..." And then kisses him far more roughly than before, his tongue sweeping along Dan's lower lip and opening his mouth with no resistance. Dan's hips buck hard in response, feeling the wetness of their arousal spreading between them.

Soren's hand shifts again to grip Dan's hip hard enough to bruise. "God I want you," he moans and his hips begin to thrust in a much quicker pace.

The words stall out the anxious whirr in the back of Dan's head on impact. Want. Soren wants him. Like actually wants not 'I have nothing better to be doing' interest. He hasn't been wanted in... well, ever as far as he knows and it's...

Amazing.

Tapping into something he thinks is new inside him; Dan pushes back hard – finding it easy to guide Soren down onto his back. Maintaining the heat of skin against skin, he finds himself burying his face in the nape of Soren's neck and inhaling the unique musk of arousal and spicy aftershave as he ruts hard and fast against him.

Soren's fingers dig hard into his sides, but his mouth doesn't stop making the amazing little sounds of arousal. "Yes..." he hisses, lifting his hips just enough to push even harder; "Don't stop."

As if stopping would actually be possible. Dan knows he's beyond the event horizon. His cock twitches and he only digs harder, feeling the tip grind against Soren's belly and leave a wet smear. There will be time for awkwardness and showers and 'oh my god, I'm so sorry' later. Right now, he needs this. "Need you," he murmurs into Soren's throat and it's the most naked he's felt in his life.

Soren whimpers, yet another sound to add to the catalogue of amazing things Dan has never heard before, and Dan realizes his breathing is coming in hitching gasps. "Gonna... can I? You know..." He groans low and loud in the moment.

One firm hand lets go of Dan's side and it slides up his back to the nape of his neck, stroking in a way that held tenderness he hadn't expected out of Soren. "Do it," he pants. "I don't care, just don't stop."

He thinks maybe he's shaking, would anyone ever shake in the heat of the moment? He should be proud, a lustfilled sex monster. Dear God he really was Steve Carell in his life.

"Yes. Yes..." Soren's voice cracks as Dan slows on top of him, sticky heat pulsing across his cock and onto his belly. His fingers curl and tug at Dan's short hair. "Did you come?"

"Shut up." Dan laughs, pushing his face even harder into Soren's neck. "It's been a while."

"No, no..." Soren echoes the relieved laugh, lifting his hips faster to compensate. His cock prods hard and eager into Dan's belly and then down between his thighs. "It's good. Real good."

A little lost, trying not to let himself go back into the anxiety spiral, Dan focuses on lifting his head to see the red flush on Soren's face. He looks... happy. It was real, it was happening, and everything was fine and not at all horrible. When Dan kisses him again it lacks the desperate intensity, but the void is filled with a comforting pleasure.

Soren freezes suddenly underneath him, a gasp catching in the back of his throat. "Are you okay?" Dan breaks away, pushing up on one elbow only to have the other man physically dominate him – twisting Dan onto his back without losing a single stroke of his cock between Dan's thick thighs.

"Perfect," he breathes, grinding against him with strong upward thrusts that in any other moment would make Dan panic that things were about to go where he wasn't even close to ready to go. "Fucking... perfect. Jesus, Dan..."

It's all he can do to remember to breathe, hands scrambling to find purchase on Soren's muscled arms as they strain and arch against each other. It feels like it's been seconds, but it could be hours, all Dan knows in that moment is that everything is fine despite his absolute conviction they'd go horribly wrong. Then before he can come back down, Soren is all around him. Strong arms wrapping around his chest, lips and tongue against his collarbone, and a somewhat disconcerting sticky warmth pulsing underneath his balls. "Oh my god..."

Soren's teeth graze against his skin and Dan takes a deep breath, responding with a firm embrace as the other man settles easily on top of him and for a moment they're still. Soren's breath is hot on the patch of wetness at his neck, hesitant for only a second before pressing small kisses toward Dan's ear. Finally, Dan manages a weak; "I can't believe we just did that."

"Me neither," Soren murmurs, rolling off onto his back – somehow managing to look even more confident than usual. "I thought for sure we'd at least make it to oral."

Dan choked. "Oral? As in penis actually in..."

"Don't ruin the moment, Daniel." Soren pushes up on one hand, leaning in to brush a kiss on his lips. "I'm gonna suck your dick."

"What, like right now?" Dan laughs, the nervous pitch creeping back in. The thought doesn't disgust him or anything; he just really can't picture actually doing it himself. He will, he knows, if their experiment continues, just it seems like kind of a silly thing.

Soren chuckles against his lips and shakes his head before brushing back a sweaty strand of hair that had fallen against his forehead, the slim fingers coming to rest on Dan's belly. "Nah, I'm good... I need at least five minutes to bounce back."

He started to knit together some pithy response, but it wouldn't come. Instead Dan laughed and realized that even in the increasingly likely event he was the unlikable neurotic and annoying protagonist of a semi-rom-com at least he beat the odds. There was something to be said for that 40% minority.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work. Please do not publicly repost or redistribute without letting me know first. Transformative or derivative works welcome, but drop me a note about it!


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